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CO2-molecule lobby plans to clear air

about global warming



By Kirk Myers

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15 Jan 10 - (Excerpts) - Climate experts, politicians, environmentalists and assorted green organizations have been beating the daylight out of CO2 for decades, charging it with a litany of crimes against Mother Earth – heating the atmosphere, melting ice caps, raising sea levels, acidifying oceans, driving polar bears to extinction and generally making a mess of things on the planet.

As the hobgoblin of the green movement, CO2 has taken it on the atmospheric chin. But what if CO2 had its own atmospheric lobby and could fight back? Perhaps we might see a story like this one in the news.

***

ORLANDO, Fla. – Faced with growing criticism, the CO2-molecule lobby said today that it will no longer take the heat for earth’s climate change, and has launched a campaign to restore its blackened reputation.

“It’s time to clear the air about the benefits of CO2,” announced chairman Nate Carbo. “We’ve been unfairly charged with crimes against humanity. Now we’re going to fight back with all our molecular energy.”

A copy of the preliminary draft, received earlier today, makes the following 10 demands:

1. Stop calling CO2 molecules a pollutant – Plants depend on CO2, and they’ve been CO2-undernourished since the Jurassic Period (an era plants refer to as “photosynthesis heaven”) when our molecular presence was nearly five times higher than current levels. Not surprisingly, the CO2-famished plants of today are green with envy.

2. Tell Michael Mann to shut up – There is no hockey stick-shaped warming in the atmosphere (in fact, the earth is cooling now). Why don’t you blame the sun for a change? We CO2 molecules have been around this earth long enough to remember the gloriously comfortable days of the Roman Warm Era and Medieval Warm Period – a time when there were no cars, factories and power plants. Back then, humans were growing vineyards in England and raising crops in Greenland.

3. End discrimination – CO2 is the whipping boy for every major climate disaster. We get blamed when it’s hot and screamed at when it’s cold. But the big yellow ball in the sky never takes the heat.... Please look at the blast furnace overhead for a change.

4. Quit passing the buck – Humans are breathing CO2 factories, but you never want to acknowledge your gaseous contribution. So if you’re truly serious about reducing the percentage of CO2 molecules, stop breathing and talking. (We’ve discovered, by the way, that CO2 emissions...rise dramatically whenever Chicken Little eco-dummies like Al Gore take the microphone.)

5. Apologize to trees and other vegetation – Most of you spend lots of time and money tending your garden, caring for plants, trimming trees and manicuring your lawn. Your yard is a source of pride, and you brag about it to neighbors. So why in Heaven do you want to reduce its precious CO2 supply – nature’s sustenance?.

6. Urge Al Gore to take an oath of silence – The former VP is a charlatan and disgrace. All his flashy multimedia presentations cast us as some sort of global warming Satan.... Look carefully at CO2 and temperature charts. When you superimpose them, you’ll find CO2 shuffling along hundreds of years after temperatures have risen. No wonder the enemies of CO2 show the charts separately. Telling the truth is just too inconvenient.

7. Stop ignoring water vapor – Water vapor is by far the most abundant greenhouse gas. The big Kahuna, water vapor, is responsible for 95 percent of the greenhouse effect, and keeps your climate cozy and warm. Without its insulating effects, life on earth would be unbearably cold. We’d like to see you try to ban water vapor!

8. Stop fudging data – Professor Phil Jones, Dr. Michael Mann and other so-called climate scientists have manipulated temperature data to make CO2 look like the most harmful molecule on the planet.... They’ve done a great disservice to plant life on earth with their incessant attacks on a blameless group of molecules whose atmospheric presence is a piddly 385 parts per million. If these hucksters truly desire redemption, they should shut up about climate change and exhale frequently for the good of the redwoods.

9. Protect earth’s food supply – If you succeed in carrying out your CO2 ethnic cleansing plan, you’ll hurt all vegetation. (Trees and plants don’t react well when deprived of their favorite atmospheric meal.) A CO2-depleted world will stunt plant growth, reduce crop yields and lead to famine and starvation.

10. Listen to honest scientists – Most of the climate experts predicting greenhouse doom are either on the government payroll, knee-deep in research grants or supplying the scientific rationale behind legislation designed to extort money from consumers in the form of carbon taxes. They should be out on the street looking for work instead of receiving awards and more grant money.

“We’ve stood by for decades while pseudo-scientists, self-serving politicians and the hysterical green movement bad-mouthed earth-friendly CO2 molecules for simply floating around and minding their own business. We’re tired of the fright-mongering. It’s time to set the record straight.”

“This is serious business. We need to expose the lies, hysterics and rigged climate models driving the greenhouse scare campaign” Carbo said.

See entire article by Kirk Myers
http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-32936-Seminole-County-Environmental-News-Examiner~y2010m1d15-CO2molecule-lobby-plans-to-clear-air-about-global-warming


18 Jan 10 -  "Rescue workers evacuated thousands of rural residents from parts of northwestern China after extreme cold and blizzard conditions killed four people and left half a million snowed under," says this article on MSNBC.

Storms in China's far western Xinjiang have flattened or damaged about 100,000 homes and killed more than 15,000 head of livestock since Sunday night. Temperatures in parts of Xinjiang are forecast to plunge to minus 45 degrees by midweek.

In neighboring Mongolia, nearly 800,000 animals have been lost, with many transport routes blocked by heavy snow.

     What a tepid headline! 

     MSNBC posted this under the headline " Extreme cold, snow
     kills 4 in China."

     Eight hundred thousand animals lost (I assume that means
     killed), and all they can mention in the headline is that four
     people were killed?

     Are they trying to cover this up?

See entire article:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34921886/ns/weather/
Thanks to Tom McHart for this link


 

 

 



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